Ignorance ain't Bliss

It is so easy to ignore someone when you don't know them.

Or for that matter when that person is out of sight.

"Dekh ke andekha karna" - now that is one of my weak points, or shall I say "Areas of Opportunity"


Doesn't seem so for folks around me though...

The people that co-habit a certain space with me fall in 3 categories: one, people that I am extremely comfortable and spontaneous with; two, people that know formally and adhere to limits with; and three, people that I don't really know and thus, don't often interact with.

Of late, however, I have sensed the existence of another category: the one where people from the first category go after things go awry between us, in major or silly ways.

I am, by nature, a very gregarious person. I like to be friends with everyone and I like to be on good terms with all. I feel extremely uncomfortable when I have to give or am given the cold shoulder by someone. The amount of stress I experience at such times is absolultely unbearable. And the worst part is, it does not seem to affect the other person one bit.


Or at least that's what they show. Mighty successfully.

Leaving me wondering if I ever mattered in the first place.

Is there some trick to it? Some special secret that I don't know yet?

It's just like the case where after being lovers, two individuals cannot be friends. But for me, this happens even with people that are my buddies.

I know the next question you will ask is that if you are so close, how can you suddenly become so distanced and detached?

Well, I can answer that. It depends on the kind of miscommunication that has occurred. On most occasions, I readily and modestly walk up to the "friend" and start talking, clarifying things that have caused a rift. And I do not hesitate in re-connecting even if it means I have to bend over. However, bend over backwards - that I shan't. I've got my own self-respect. And if the other person's ego is supreme enough to kill a beautiful relationship, then too bad. Your loss.

Except that it impacts me worse that it does you!!

I've been told more than a few times by my GENUINE friends and well-wishers that I ought to keep safe distance and not get emotionally attached to everyone in my social circle. Quite a sane suggestion.

But how do I explain that it's not voluntary - this decision to get affected by what people say or do... I get impacted by their words and behavior, they have the ability to make me happy or sad, and I like it that way... except when it gets really bad... and hurts... beyond my control...

I guess that's the price I have to pay for being so open and sensitive.

Big or small, I'm not saying. It gives me as many laughs as tears, give or take a few, and both are entirely worth it :-)

Having said that, I do wish that people understand that their actions and sentences might hurt others. Why make someone miserable? Why steal smiles if you are unable to give joys in return? In fact, why give sorrow at all irrespective of the number of delights exchanged?

I once heard, "it's not possible to cover the world with a carpet, so wear chappals". I also remember a saying that goes like this - "Expecting the world to treat you fairly is like asking a tiger not to eat you because you are vegetarian". While both these thoughts are bang on target, I still fail to follow them.

Beautiful World

Someone who has tremendous knowledge, a good dressing sense, a great job, amazing salary and perks, a car and luxuries despite being humble and simple, unbelievable modesty, sensitivity and direction, humanity and patience… and an inferiority complex.


Someone who asks a million questions and appears funny and silly, and is still loved for who she is, and her honesty and forthrightness.


Someone who thinks he’s the alpha male, the most intelligent of them all, and acts like a prince even though he’s fake inside and outside, and people know it and see through his artificiality… and he’s still unconcerned and unaffected, regaling himself and exploiting others in his make-believe perfect world.


Someone who has a terrible destiny, and only one hand that can save, and he ends up biting the very hand that tries to pull him up from his deep grave… time and again.


Someone who thinks she is being used and abused, not aware of the fact that this “being used” is what gives her happiness and contentment... that without it, she would feel unneeded, unhappy and aimless.


Someone who can’t figure out why he is mistreated and ignored, and he behaves like he doesn’t care when he actually does. He isn’t strong enough to inquire or seek help, or to change even… but he still cares for those that mistreat and ignore him…


Someone who hides his insecurities by being mean to others, he dreams of being better than others by criticising and ridiculing the very people that love him…


Someone who has a pure heart and a fabulous sense of humour, he is smart as he is helpful, and yet his path is strewn with difficulties and setbacks. His tolerance and strength is tremendous... maybe the calm before the storm.


Someone who loves the sound of her own voice and has an opinion on everything, she is clueless about how she impacts others negatively, even as she carries a hundred gifts within her that get shrouded by her ugly words and tone…


Someone who has a deep understanding of people, relations and interactions… and yet can’t sustain a single relationship. Despite all his understanding and clarity of thought, he was alone. Not that he minded...


Someone who wants to be loved, appreciated, popular and idealized… and can’t unravel why she is forsaken as those lesser move ahead and achieve what for her appears unattainable.


Someone who abuses and insults people generously, his confidence and uncomplicated straightforwardness is often a slap in the face. How folks thought about him was not on the top 20 things he'd worry about. His goal was clear, his intentions were anything but tentative, and he revelled in his image - be it complimentary or the opposite. Commendable guts!!



It’s a beautiful world…



Made further gorgeous by many varied lovely people :-)



Like you and me!!



Look for the beauty around you. It abounds!!

Chaadni Raatein

Are you afraid of death? Do you not want to die? How is it knowing you’re going to die someday? What if you knew when you were going to die?


To answer my questions myself – no, I am not afraid of death. At least not death as a concept. Sure, I don’t want to die in a slow, painful way. I’d prefer the quick, instantaneous types where I don’t even realise its pack up time…


I don’t not want to die. I don’t not want to live either. I know death is inevitable. As mum always reminds me, the time for each one to be born, to marry and to die is fixed. Your time of demise is finalised the very second you’re born. So, I am aware its going to happen, and as I have no regrets in life, I don’t mind saying goodbye when the time comes… Frankly, I don’t know if I will be ready when it actually happens or if all my wishes will have been fulfilled leaving me content and happy. But I do know that I won’t curse god or beg to live. I’ll accept it gracefully.

If I knew when I was going to die, I’d definitely freak out a little and mark it on my calendar!


Before the destined hour, I would make all the telephone calls, visits and donations that I need to make, and joyfully tell everyone that I love them. I’ll thank them for making my living moments cheerful, memorable ones and I’ll also ask for forgiveness if I’ve intentionally or unintentionally hurt them. And last but not the least, I’ll tell them I’m going away forever and not to miss me too much. And hey, don’t not miss me either :-)

It is one thing to wait for it in its own sweet time, and entirely another to see it coming, with as much certainty as night follows day. I speculated whether I would jump into the sea and just stop swimming, letting the waves take me where they may and finally drown me when they were done playing.

I had no answer then. The answer fails me now too.


But I do know this. If I ever happen to be disabled beyond repair or hospitalised for life, I don’t want that life. Please kill me. Euthanasia might be a crime. But I cannot expose myself to pain and others to inconvenience for a few hours / days / weeks of laboured breathing. I will not have needles stuck into me, so what if the absence thereof cuts short my life by a few months? I’d rather live a short, healthy, independent life with respect than a lengthy one that is a trouble for me and others alike.


Oh, and make sure my eyes are donated. I want someone to be able to see. To understand what colours are, to know what beauty is, to watch playful puppies and the sultry sunrise... to feel blessed…


Just like what I felt when I looked outta the window that night in my house…

Fear Has A New Address

(No, not coz the festival of colors is here, and you need to watch out for sneaking eyes and peeking hands ready to douse you with rang and gulaal.... Best wishes for Holi, readers!)


Read this anonymous letter I found the other day.

Me frustrated. Me donno what to do. Me think I kill myself. Or I just die. I do no want to live. Nobody like me. Nobody need me. All think me bad person. Me care for people, people do no understand, people fight. Me get angry. Me hurt people. My life no good. Me no trouble no one still people no like me. Me brave and stubborn. Me also blunt and intelligent. So many say me good, me reach success, me capable. But me no happy. Me alone, me sad. I donno fault. How can all world be wrong? No. Me wrong. Me end life. Me got no guts, so me live on.

Interesting, eh? Especially the last line... Do you need guts to kill yourself, or do you need balls to survive?

I guess it’s that split second where you are so depressed and frustrated, that you muster all your valor to sacrifice your life. If that second passes, you’re never gona be able to do it again. So, in a way, death and life – both need courage. (Though of course, if anyone suicidal were to approach me, I’d say that suicide is for cowards, and one ought to live on to fight and overcome challenges.)


Eager to know your thoughts on this, friends and readers. And on the following points, too...

Like why a woman in power is subject to prejudice and contempt for no real reason. Why a divorced/widowed woman is looked down upon by society more critically than a male. Why a female who flirts and sleeps around is called a bitch, while a man doing the same is considered nothing abominable. Why when enjoying sex (which is logically and in reality the privilege of both genders), a woman is expected to be coy and her sole duty in bed is to satisfy her man, regardless of her own pleasures and needs. Why a woman who commits a crime evokes horror, while a man in her shoes gets the “chalta hai” gesture.

WHY??

Society assumes several things about a woman, and expects these assumptions to hold true whatever the case may be. Given the superior education, exposure, lifestyle, family and upbringing. How fair is this?? Who decided it to be this way? Why are we still falling prey to this bias? Is gender equality only a myth? True, the topmost positions in the world in all areas are held by men (and I congratulate them on that), but why cannot we tolerate vices in females, too?!!


We’re all human, right?!!!


Cheerio!

Happy Women's Day!

I know some of you think that male-bashing is my favorite subject and pastime. But trust me, I love both genders for their peculiarities and specialities. In fact, I’d say that I like women as they are connected to their and others’ emotions, and I like men because they are fun company.

(Want to expand your vocabulary? A man-hater is a misandrist and a woman-hater is a misogynist.)

Know what? Just like men want to fool around with a sexy siren and marry a virgin, girls want to date boys and finally wed a gentleman. Fair enough, eh?

Anyways, let me wish all you female readers a VERY HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY.

(I know ladies say they don’t think just ONE day needs to be celebrated, but they love the pampering nevertheless, so let the passion flow!)

And the men who are reading this, move your butt and start wishing the feminine folk around you.

(They’ll hate you less, though they might poke fun at your sentimental side. So they laugh at your expense and start liking you; not that bad a deal, right?)

Here are a few ways to make your woman feel special today… some that I’ve thought of myself, and others that I’ve picked off the net. Oh, and you might check out 10 things while you’re still reading this…

1. Tell her you love her. A hundred times. (You do that already? All right, make it a million. Don’t stop.)

2. Do something to surprise her. (I mean surprise, NOT shock.) So, give her flowers or buy her chocolates or anything else that she likes. It could even be not leaving the towel and dirty linen around or taking her out for an impromptu coffee or drive. Or even keeping everything aside and spending some quality time just listening to her…

3. Tell her how special she is, and how your life is so much better because of her. Make her feel wanted and adored. Thank her for her commitment and sacrifices. And mean it. Saying sorry is not such a bad thing…

4. Treat her the same as your friends. Of course, give her more priority and be protective and courteous, but don’t make her think that you relax and enjoy more with your gang than with her. Share your problems and plans, and make her feel involved and respected. Take her opinions and know her desires. After all, she loves you! Don’t make her feel taken for granted, disrespected or not taken seriously. And most importantly, DON’T treat anyone else the same as you treat her. Let her be the sole recipient of all your excesses and granted liberties.

5. Let people “see” that you love her. Oh yes! A woman thinks a lot about what others think of her and her relationships. So, if you can show that your love “shows”, then she can’t argue that she cannot “see” your love. Confused? Don’t bother. Just do it. Private compliments, praise in public, light PDA like holding hands and caressing her (if appropriate), chivalry and romance – bring it on!

Well, five is a good number for starters, and if you can do all of the above, I can guarantee you a more blissful relationship with your partner.

Right, ladies? ;-)

And if there’s NO one to make you feel special, why weep? DIY or Do It Yourself is the name of the game… Watch a movie alone and eat all the popcorn yourself (WOW! No sharing!), go shopping and buy something unusual like a weird shade of lipstick or corset, or just take a quiet walk in the park or sit by the lake… Life is beautiful and you’re your favorite person!

Love ya!

Tired of Sales / Customer Care Calls???

Hi!

If you're irritated with those annoying sales and customer care calls, then you've come to the right place, baby... Here are ten ways to stop those credit card sales, mobile companies, insurance calls from bugging you:

Hilarious!! Enjoy...

1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you. (!!!)

2. Tell the telemarketer (seductively) that you are busy, but you would love to talk about some interesting personal stuff and ask for his/her home telephone number so you can call back at night.

3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. (!!!)

4. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your/somebody else's 5-year old child. (!!!)

6. If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems............." Blah-blah-blah (Reminds me of Ghanta Singh!!!)

7. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

8. Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is MALE. (Vice-versa for females - "Hey Deepak! Kidhar hai sale??")

9. Tell the company call centre guy to call on your office number, and give him the rival company's call centre number.

10. Start taking the telemarketer's interview : "So, how many kids do you have? Are you married? What's your favorite food?......"

Now isn't THAT smart?!!!

Try it and leme know!

Being a Woman

Let me tell you first and foremost, being a woman ain’t easy...



We know what we want (at least 60% of the times), and we’re equally sure who we want it from. So, if I’m sad and I want Mr. X to come and give me solace, it won’t matter if Mr. W, Y and Z come and put their arms around me and buy me a million gifts and shower me with love, support and care. I am STILL going to miss Mr. X and his consolation. Of course, I am going to appreciate the others, and thank them for their help, but Mr. X, thou art doomed!!


Come to think of it, WHY do guys need to be told what to do? Just like we gauge their needs and understand their desires without them voicing it out loud, why can’t they also do the same? I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to try! There have been a lot of times when the guy himself did not know what he was confused or stressed about, and a girl eased his mind by being sympathetic and kind. We’re all humans, we all have the same range of feelings, and it’s really not that tough if we make an effort to comprehend and assist.


Most women I know would agree that telling/asking for something to be said/done is not quite the same as the thing being said/done instinctively and voluntarily. What’s the use you loving me if you do not grasp the fact that there are times when I just need to be heard and hugged without being shown a hundred ways that are better. I am aware of what I have to do and how, just be calm and empathic, you moron! That’s all I need from you!!

Guys around the world know they’re kids. They either stumble upon this realization by themselves, or they read it in the zillions of magazines and books that talk about gender differences and peculiarities of the sexes. So, whether they agree or not, they very well know that their primary needs are food, sex and sleep. And so do we. And we take care to see that their needs are met. Be it the mum who keeps snacks ready the moment the son comes home from college, or the wife who entertains the man by night despite being dog tired at work all day, or the girlfriend who doesn’t call her sleeping boyfriend for a few hours even though she wants to talk to him desperately.


Why then is it soooo difficult for the men to appreciate us? Why is it impossible for them to anticipate our wants and fulfill them? Why do they find us complicated when all we need is a listening ear and a warm shoulder? How can they expect their stupid jokes to make us laugh when our hearts are weighed down by some misery that we are unsure and unable to express without being asked? You maybe close to me, and you may not require a prologue to talk about your concerns, but I do. And what’s wrong with that?


Let me admit, I expect people who are close to me to know me and the things that please me or tick me off. So, anyone in their right sense of mind wouldn’t ditch me after planning to meet, and anyone who has faced the music after they did something unpleasant wouldn’t do it again. Yet, I want my loved one(s) to know when I’m upset or when something has hurt me. It could be something as small as not messaging me before you sleep, or not telling me when you’re ill or suffering other crises. It could be when you keep repeating the same mistake again and again despite knowing it irritates me. Or that you give others priority over me, when I’m the one whose always there when you’re in trouble. Get what I mean?


So yeah, I have those sort of conditions with people I like and love. I CANNOT love unconditionally. Nope, I cannot. I can’t be ok with every way you treat me and any way you behave with me. If I’m being civil and nice, it’s your obligation to be the same to me. And if that’s something that’s not within your control, then goodbye. And let that goodbye be forever. Not the “here now and gone then” types. The wound needs to heal so that someone else can come and give me the happiness that is not in your power to grant your sweetheart.


Movies like What Women Want are made and watched the world over. And yet men don’t understand that all we need is love. We’re ready to help you in understanding us, just show us that you are devoted and dedicated and (willingly) ready to make that effort. We know people don’t learn things in the womb, but we surely want folks to learn things that would endear them to us. Ask us what we want, if you’re unable to understand. But not before you have tried every other option.


Besides, we're such sentimental fools that we'll never tell you directly what we are thinking. I'm sure you've heard of this one - when we say "we're fine OR it's ok", it means "nothing is fine." And when we say, "just leave me alone OR go away", it indicates that "please don't go, just stay and show me you care." And when someone you know who needs you says "I hate you", it actually stands for "I love you helluva lot, but you hurt me too much".


You see, we want to show we're independent. Yet the fact remains that even the most practical women are emotional at heart. And there's no denying that. We often don't NEED you, but we WANT to be showed that we're loved and cherished.


Awrite so we crib and complain and nag, at times more regularly than sunrise and sunset... and what do you do? Start ignoring us! And how does that help? It only makes us more crabby and depressed. And the vicious cycle continues... Why not try something more constructive and positive?


Our needs are not as simple as sex, nor as tough as a Sudoku puzzle. Sometimes an ice cream can do the trick, at other times, you may have to be a little more tolerant and listen to us as we rant on and on about the boss who yelled at us, or the friend who lost her cat, or the junior who can’t make a decision and needs our advice. You may have to make us feel better by a foot massage or by praising us non-stop for 50 minutes…


Different things work for different people, and for women, the one common need is to be pampered and treated like a child. We’re all little girls within, and if you remember that, you can never go wrong…


Do one tiny thing at the right time to make us smile, and I promise, no woman on earth will disappoint you or turn you away when you seek shelter, estranged by the callous world.

Sincerely,
Barnita

P.S. : Nope, I’ve not fought with or been hurt by any guy. These are some things I’ve always wanted to say (and might have, before, either on my blog or in person). Just thought I’d put them up here for all you guys to read and learn, and for all you girls to share and rejoice about :-) Take care!!

Thank You to You!!

Apparently January 11 is International Thank You Day.

And I know I am late.

Here is my Thank You to you :-)

Vote of thanks was never quite my favorite part of any meeting or conference. One, coz it’s predictable and boring. Two, coz more often than not, I was expected to deliver it. Often at a minute’s notice. Grrr…

But hey, I gotta say it here.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen!!

“Freebird” is now 17 followers strong, and has 1525+ clicks till date. For a personal blog roughly 4 months old and 28 posts thick, I think it’s a great achievement. For me, and for you…

For staying loyal and interested throughout the times I’ve written about the same old topics, for coming back and checking despite there being no updates, for passing on the word and popularizing my blog… I remain grateful to you all. A million thanks!

I’ve been blog-rolled by many, and quite a few of you have added your name to my followers list. It’s always a pleasure reading the comments you make about the topics and writing style, irrespective of whether you consent or criticize. A vast chunk of you still prefer to be nameless and tiptoe in and out, leaving your footprints on my reader tracker. To all of you, I am indebted.

At times it gets a little scary and burdensome, knowing that there are so many of you out there, reading what I write and passing judgments about me based on what you interpret from my writing.

It freaks me out sometimes that there are people that I personally know and do not know who have more than adequate knowledge about me, my life, my thoughts and attitude.

I won’t deny that I’ve occasionally censored my words and evaluations because I know someone might get offended or shocked by me and my confessions.

And then I wonder whether I really wanted my blog to be this well-known. What started out as a personal diary online, has now become sort of a commercial magazine. And the difficult part is, I don’t know who’s reading it and who’s not!

Not that I mind really. Being a Pisces, seeking attention and reveling in it is an innate trait. Yet, I sometimes want to tone down my description or emotion, just to ensure someone does not fret or lose sleep.

Any time a stranger, colleague or friend tells me that he/she has been reading my blog, I feel a little surprised as if I don’t know what he/she is talking about. I feel pleased that he/she would take the time out to read what I’ve written, and that he/she would care two-pence about my values and experiences. It feels great. And I mean it for every one of you. I honestly do. If you’ve been reading my blog long enough, you know I don’t mince words or tell lies. Thank you once again. It really means a lot to me.

Even if I don’t know who you are, where you’re from. As long as you love me and my blog.

I do apologize for the times and words that have made you feel bad or misjudged. Trust me, the intention was not to hurt any one of you, but to share my perceptions and emotions. If I’ve ever mentioned you in my blog – directly or indirectly – it was because I felt something for you or the incident, not coz I want to ridicule you or tout my brilliance. Of course, confidentiality is vital, and I would never compromise on your faith in me or make you the butt of humiliation by sharing your true identity.

I’m running outta words here… Extraordinary, isn’t it?!! But really. I don’t know what more to say to express my gratitude.

Just a warm thank you and a bear hug to all if you.

Each one of you.

Keep reading.

This blog would be nowhere without your love and appreciation.


I thankfully remain,
Barnita :)

Such is life...

A phonebook and cell memory full of contacts,
But no one to call when you desperately want to speak your heart out.
Such is life...

A million bucks to spend, and no friend to blow it with,
When you had that someone, you were too busy trying to make an extra buck.
Such is life...

At times I think homosexual relations make sense,
The depth of emotions of each gender can only b understood by another of the same kind.
We fight over our differences and keep expecting to be understood.
Such is life…

The very son who dotes on the mother,
Becomes devoted to the wife in days so few.
The mom still prays for him.
Such is life…

You crib about the bad things,
And then you adjust to living in situations worse.
Your optimism and energy disappear with time.
Such is life…

When everything is wrong the smallest thing brings delight,
Something that goes unnoticed in rosier times,
Becomes the single reason to live for.
Such is life…

Good things don’t really happen to good people,
Though we would sure like to believe so.
The wicked and wayward laugh more often.
Such is life…

You smile for the world,
And show you really don’t care.
But you nurture the hurts within you…
This is life...

Happy New Year :)

Ordained By Order

Did I tell you I saw Eat, Pray and Love (referred to as EPL henceforth on my blog) directed by Ryan Murphy ? It’s a fantastic movie, guys. I mean girls.

(Guys may or may not like it for the simple reason that the genders think, feel and expect differently. And more often than not, the sexes just LOVE being on opposite sides of the discussion. Sometimes only to prove that they are unlike each other, and can never be like each other. Fair enough reason.)

(Or so I presume.)


While watching EPL, there were so many times when I thought it was somewhere related to Me! Especially the paragraphs when the protagonist feels she has control issues, her tryst with depression and loneliness, her random insights and careless abandon, little joys coupled with frustrating worries and sorrows. Have been thinking of it for ages, but procrastinating… Waiting for a partner, dealing with a busy schedule, stuff like that… Soon soon…


What’s the movie about? It’s the story of a woman who travels Italy, India and Indonesia over the period of a year in order to put back the pieces of her life married and scarred by a divorce and broken relationship. I know it doesn’t sound too innovative, but the narration is superb and mesmerizing.


I’m not gonna recommend it to you, though, coz I have a feeling that I have liked it more than you would. It’s like those movies, you know, where your evaluation of the entertainment quotient is impacted by the reviews you have heard before.

Now that I have introduced EPL, I’d like to take my identification with it

About reasons, and how we may or may not know about their logic or existence.

I always enjoy sitting next to the driver while going for long drives.(But love to drive someday)

Why am I telling you this? To let you know that I like being NOT in control, and leaving all the decisions and responsibility to someone else who is intelligent and capable. Makes me feel pampered and relaxed. Not having to worry about the brakes, traffic, accelerator, clutch, reversing and parking. Just look around at the people and trees zooming past, enjoying the breeze on my face, with my arm strung casually on the window ledge...

However, I’m just as quick to give up my passivity and assume control when required. Leadership roles beckon me, and I love them for granting me the opportunity to prove myself, protect and guide people, take risks and learn, garner praise and envy.

Well, backseat driving is horrible when I’m steering a vehicle, but impossible to give up when I’m sailing on anyone else’s ship. Change lanes, speed up, show off or get cranky – and you’ll hear from me, Mr. Driver.

WHY am I telling you this?

To tell you that I have control issues. Things have almost ALWAYS gone my way. I have made my own decisions, done my own thing and taken care of my own challenges. Be it education, career, relationships, or anything else. And that has naturally made me resistant to being dependent and dominated. In a woman, this is often not appreciated. But hey, that’s how I am. I don’t know about Nature (genetics), but Nurture (environment and experiences) made me that way.

And you know what, I am so glad life turned out the way it did. (Though I didn’t always think this way.)

Thank you, Lord.

Now I think about it all, and I can’t be grateful enough that all these things occurred, with or without my volition. Then, I fought with god, people and circumstances. But now I understand. Things are not always clear at first glance. Things don’t always look right when you’re in the midst of muck. But when you step out and think about it in retrospect, you will realize that things happened for the best.

(Unless you really messed up big time and made a mistake that’s irredeemable.)

Don’t get disoriented and distressed because of the blur. Give the haze time to fade. (But don’t wait so long that all ways to set things right are lost; time is of the essence, remember?)

So what if it’s a cliché? Its true - whatever happens, happens for the best.

And you may not always understand or agree with the reason, but hey… wait and watch, you’ll turn out fine.

Trust me.

Karma Konnection

It’s said that souls are born with human bodies after they commit a given number of good deeds. It’s supposed to be a blessing of the highest order to be born human. And more so, if you’re born in India. Didn’t know that, did you?


Additionally, some people know exactly what they will do/be, either at someone else’s behest or their own vision. So, I see folks who are sure they will be doctors or housewives and nothing else, and I see people who want to travel the world for as long as they live. And it’s lovely to have that knowledge. At least I find it exciting and inspiring.


But I know of other people who would rather discover their calling as they traipse their varied paths. They say knowing beforehand what one is born to do isn’t really motivating. Rather, they’d prefer to experiment and try different things before they freeze on a particular line to pursue as a career/purpose. To explore and identify for themselves their reason for being, as opposed to being born with the erudite information. Or having it thrust upon them, where they have no choice…


Even my schoolmates and peers who knew they wanted to be engineers and accordingly molded their careers in the most apt ways. B.E. then MS abroad followed by jobs and weddings. Life set.


While I was open to checking out the options and then making my selection. So, I thought about going in for Commerce .At least it’s my personal choice and I won’t regret it later. And if I do, I’ll blame nobody but myself.


So, which life is better? The one where you know, or the one where you don’t?


Is it better to meet your soul-mate right in school and stay together for life, or to meet a range of people from all walks of life and then choose your partner?


Is it preferable to work in your family business and go the secure way your ancestors trod, or to go from one company to the next, searching for the job where your heart, growth and interest lies?


Providence makes about 60% of the decision. The rest is upto you. And 40% isn’t peanuts.

I remember I’ve asked mum several times why we’re referred to as masters of our own actions when we really are just slaves to our destiny and past actions. How can we possibly claim that WE did something, wouldn’t it be more apt that LUCK made us do that thing? That it was pre-destined to be done that way? That the Almighty wrote our naseeb – every event and action in it, the moment we were born on this earth?


There are days when everything is just so right. We wake up in the morning feeling cheerful and relaxed for no reason, and we welcome the day with arms wide open. And as we live through the day, our spirits continue to soar high irrespective of the ups and downs we face. There are also days that are just the opposite. We wake up morose, and whatever happens throughout the day only serves to annoy us further and drag us deeper into the dumps. Who do we hold responsible for this? Who do we turn to, to change what is taking place?


Let me know if you know.


Cheers, and good luck with your ambitions!

I've got Lal Bal, Pal !

Breaking News!!

I streaked my hair... Had them streaked at a parlour I mean... (It's also called highlighting, for those who don't know.) Which means I now have strands of red hair (not the fire-van red, it's a maroonish kinda tinge,similar to this picture ) on my crown . It ain't done as abundantly as I'd planned, but no sweat - I'm happy! :-)

Waise I am a very simple girl... And I feel all the more frugal when I see women around me dressing up for college everyday. (How will lining and kohl-ing your eyes and painting your lips help you be efficient and effective ) Of course, I tend to go overboard with my minimalism; even for parties, all I do is apply some earthy kajal and I'm all set, even as my gal-buddies blow-dry and iron their hair, paint their barn with foundation and rouge, color their eyes in dazzling blues and pinks, and outline their glossy lips. Whew! Each to their own; I inherited my no-nonsense-no-makeup attitude from my mum. But well, she is an angel to look at, whereas I could do with some help...

Anywaysssssssss...

While the hairdresser was Loreal-ing my tresses, I glanced through the numerous issues of Femina, Filmfare and other mags stacked on the counter. I read Sallu's cool-dude comments on his paintings and his hostility towards Shahrukh, I checked out fashion scares Mithun-da and Sonam Kapoor, and I read gossip about Hrithik and Barbara (Kites), Shahid and Amrita Rao (I thought she was going to get married and happily quit acting), etc.

I set hands on a Woman's Era magazine (November issue, I think), and staring at me out of the front cover were the words - HOW TO GET YOUR MAN TO TALK (or something to that effect.)

For ages I have been pondering over this very subject - why men gel so well and chat for hours with their buddies and colleagues and neighbors and roomies, but recoil every time their wife/girlfriend asks them to "talk" to her.

So, this article seemed God-sent, and I glanced through the words I've murmured a million times : Why men consider monosyllabic replies and grunts as perfect conjugal conversations, why they find nothing wrong in reading the newspaper as their disgruntled lady makes their chai / coffee in the kitchen, why a women's expression of her feelings or need to resolve relationship problems bores and irritates and annoys them, and so on and so forth.


Of course, the article did not answer these queries in anything more than a gender differences way; the usual "genders are wired differently" solution. However, reading the statements there assured me that I am not the only one who broods over these topics. The writer went on to relate how you can get a man to talk... And these ways are : just sit with him quietly (ahem!) and observe/understand as he goes about his tasks and activities, ask him about cars/bikes/politics/sports/gadgets or anything else that he's passionate about, avoid talking about his family, and the sort.


Nothing akin to rocket science, and all quite do-able, but my question is HOW LONG? You can do something a few times, and it's not unnatural to expect that the other person will also go a little out of the way to ease things... Taali ek haath se nahi bajti dost! You can rave on and on about gender differences and not head anywhere, and you can both understand and try to make things wonderful... Not impossible, right?!!

Anywayssss..My sister was looking like a Star on her wedding, everything went well . Most people from my school, college and family circle was happy with the Preparations they gave the Newly- Wed couple there blessings .
Good for them. Not good for me coz I hate these family dos. Compound it with the fact that there are horny old men lurking about and trying to grab a handful of you as they stare at your boobs and talk about stupid things. Grrr... It's all I can do to stop myself from slapping them... And then when some woman comes and starts inquiring about your profession as if she is planning to propose a billion-dollar business deal...

Time out.

Happy weekend!

Always

You are my mom, sister, enemy, 
and will always be a friend. 
You will always be the only one never forgotten. 
Through thick and thin, 
we were always together even if we didn’t always want to be. 

You showed me the most compassion when less expected. 
I love you and went to you when I knew I shouldn’t have, 
and then I suffered the consequences, 
but so did you.

You've always been there,
making sure I was o.k.
The one that helped me be,
the kind of person I am today.
I'll never be able to repay you,
for all that you have done for me.
Knowing that I'd need someone,
when I'd fall and scrape my knee.


You are my big sister,
one that I admire most.
I will always be thankful,
having a sister like you makes me boast.
Not to mention those times,
when boys were boys.
And you were always the first one,
to help me regain my poise.
You were my mom, sister, enemy, 
and will always be a friend 
because blood will always be thicker than water. 
You are my blood, part of me, 
and I love you for that.


Now you're getting married,
and your life will soon be complete.
But I will always come to you,
whenever I feel defeat.

So this is my attempt,
at thanking you for what you've done.

my sister :)
 

To My Marshmallow

How do I feel when I am with you?

Lovely.

Complete.

Protected.

Special.

Content.

What do you do to make me feel this way?

At times, something.

Most of the times, nothing at all.

I just feel that way coz I love you and I can sense your love if not directly experience it at a given moment.

I just put my head on your shoulder and I forget all the worries and sorrows in the world.

Cuddled in your arms, I hear your heart beating against my palm, and time comes to a standstill.

I can’t stop smiling as I look at you coz I’m struck by the fact that I love you like crazy.

And I think of the way you look at me, and I know you love me too…

Isn’t it beautiful, this thing that we have?

So what if we fight? So what if there are times when we can’t bear each other? So what if we’ve often contemplated going our separate ways?

We’re still together… Still going strong…

You have the power to make me feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet, and you can also make me feel stupid and helpless. I effortlessly label you a complete jerk, and my trust in you can help you move mountains.

If not love, what is it?

We’re both learning. We’re both growing. As individuals and a couple. And there’s tons more to come. A zillion more experiences in the wings, waiting for us to embrace them and come out stronger.

Closer.

Inseparable.

The simplest of things that I do with you become my most cherished moments.

The way you tease me and I poke fun at your mannerisms and habits. The funny things we say to each other in fights and tricky situations… It’s all so adorable.

Unforgettable.

I love you.

Will it last?

I think so.

Relations die. Love never does.

So what if you irritate me by acting silly? So what if I stress you by asking for more than you think you can do? So what if we want to pull out each others’ hair for crazy reasons?

We’re still together…

And I know we can live through this.

Isn’t that what love is all about?

True, things won’t be exciting all the time. There will be times when we think we’re better off alone.

But are we?

Am I?

Not when I think of the beautiful memories you’ve given me.

Are you?

(You’re definitely not, if you ask me. You’d wreck your life if you were allowed to do your own thing.)

I can visualize our perfect life together. Where you don’t feel lonely, and I don’t feel detached and forgotten. Where we both know that we’re meant to be. Happy and faithful. Together. Till death do us apart.

It won’t be easy. Nobody said it would be.

But together we’ll do just fine.

Trust me.

(And mend your ways before I flog you!)

Love.

Snob-itis

A new disease that deserves a mention in the medical and personality nomenclature...


Hitting the youth with increased vigor.


The deadly, the ugly... SNOB-ITIS.


I hate snobs. What do they think of themselves? That they’re one in a million? Of course they are. Just like everybody else… Or one in 1.15 billion, to be more precise (that’s 1,150,000,000… fantastic, eh?)

People throw attitude as if they were born monarchs and happen to be here just because of some cruel joke that destiny played on them. Crazy folks strutting around glancing at others out of the corner of their eyes with a silly, insulting smirk on their ugly lips… What’s to be gained by looking down on everybody around?

I seriously don’t understand. I myself am pretty outgoing (though I don’t talk half as much as most people I know) and I make sure I talk to anybody and everybody, regardless of age, gender, caste or whatever. I think it my duty to be nice to new joinees or those who are uncomfortable in a new situation. Snooty people think it lowly when they approach someone and so they stay aloof, projecting an ice-queen/king image, waiting for others to get friendly. And then there are some who dislike it even when someone makes an attempt to strike a conversation. As long as one’s safety and dignity is not jeopardized, what’s the harm in being courteous??? Height of haughtiness.


Maybe it’s the upbringing. Maybe the personality. The ancient nature-nurture controversy. Whatever, I really hate it...

In fact, I’ve often felt that belonging to a group of guys is a wonderful thing. Most males are cool, unbothered and affable. They invite and adjust with anybody, and one can become a part of the group without doing/proving too much. Women crib a lot about being “similar” and having “matching wavelengths”. And I say it’s irritating. Yes, I do show attitude at times, when I really don’t want someone to approach me, but I ensure that I openly state my feelings most of the times. I hate dragging things and creating issues. My being upfront occasionally lands me in a soup, but I don’t regret it. I’d rather not let things cook in my and others’ minds.

Back to gender benders. Guys DO gossip (no use your squealing and vehemently denying this), but it’s the sharing-fun-incidents kinds, not the who’s-dating-whom so typical of girls. And no “Aah”, “Ooohh” and “Omigosh” that women frequently use with reference to make-up, dressing trends, and this-freaky-guy-asked-me-out-the-other-day stories. With men, it’s easy and effortless. They laugh, they chill out. No wonder most of my good friends are guys. Of course, their maturity and sensitivity level isn’t exactly as splendid as females, but no one’s perfect!

Check out this quote I found in the midst of my silly googling sessions…
“…I like snobs. A snob has to spend so much time being a snob that he has little time left to meddle with you” – William Faulkner
“The true snob never rests; there is always a higher goal to attain, and there are, by the same token, always more and more people to look down upon” - J. Russell Lynes

Catch ya later!

Kacche Dhaage

I don’t know if I’ve told you about this guy who keeps sending unsolicited forwards, but here’s a very interesting thought he sent the other day – It's a wise man who lives with money in the bank; it's a fool who dies that way...


My neighbor expired on Friday . I wouldn’t have been too shaken if the circumstances hadn’t been so dramatic.


He was a lovable chap, roughly around 56-58 years old. Always dressed in his long chaddis and a white banian, he sat watching TV with the door wide open in the evenings. Whenever we used to walk up to our flat, he used to smile and say hello, not bothered about his attire or posture. I also remember him as he returned from work, straddling his daughter’s rickety yellow scooter. Quite a merry man...


The circumstances I’m talking about are this... He and his wife have two daughters, both married off happily, one abroad and the other right here. While the daughters have a few years between them, both of them happened to get pregnant and deliver a baby girl on the exact same day, a few hours apart on different parts of the globe. While the mother went to tend to the elder one in Canada, the dad stayed with the other daughter and her grandma in Delhi.


Thanks to the internet, they shared experiences, feelings and pictures, and were due to meet soon as both new mothers had completed their interlude. His wife landed on Saturday dawn, but she was a few hours late to say a final goodbye to her husband who departed Friday evening. Massive heart attack. His local daughter says he was over excited to see his wife and other daughter. I wonder what his thoughts and emotions were...

Life is so unpredictable. Senior folks past 80 continue to live like death has forsaken them, while youth and middle-aged people have their lives cut short by fate. Is this fair? Is this how it was always meant to be? That while we are anxious about road mishaps, people die at home without a flutter?


I've heard so much bad news last year related to babies and pregnancies... I wonder why destiny is playing such games. Have people really erred so much??


(Just like I do whenever I hear “Hey Ram, Hey Ram... Tu hi mata tu hi pita hai...” That was the song that was going on when I went to offer condolences at a family friend’s demise. How things get associated...)


Blood relations are sometimes not as strong as relations of the heart, which is often why friends and neighbors rank higher in the priority list versus relatives. Maybe that's why their misfortune and deaths affect us more...


Also a Dad, who doesn’t let his teenage son walk 1 kilometer to the school alone. The car plies up and down to lug the brat, even as the Dad orders another’s child to ride alone 20 kilometers in the dense traffic all week for some work.


Even if the family is bickering away day and night, one cannot bear even a finger raised by a stranger on his/her family member. And that’s what makes it all the more special... (I don't quite know how a spouse who comes in a few weeks ago can be obeyed meekly by the guy who yells incessantly at his concerned parents, but that's how it's meant to be, I guess...)


Well, I don’t know where I’m heading, but now that this post is so all over the place, I might as well put all my thoughts in...


Each person is a different individual, with his unique temperament, ambitions and principles. That is why we end up in conflicts. Coz one’s laziness is another’s concern, and one’s life is voluntarily not his own to live and direct...


Thank you for reading.