Jhola Clutter

What do you carry with you when you go out?

Probably your cell-phone, keys and wallet. And perhaps a jacket, coz it’s cold these days. And if you’re a woman, then add other paraphernalia like lipstick, moisturizer, compact, and so on and so forth.

I carry my jhola. What’s a jhola, you ask?

Ahem...

Leme try.

It’s a sling bag kinda thing that you wear on your shoulder. Something that initially journalists used to carry, and then it started coming in a variety of colors and artwork so it became a huge hit with the teenagers as well. While khadi dominated the scene then, now jholas are found in every style .

That was the easy part. Now comes the challenge. Describing what it means to me, and unfolding its contents and uses.

My jhola’s an extension of my personality. (Ya, I know I said this blog is also one of those. But you see, everything I do is very ME...) So, my jhola - I can’t live without it. Anywhere I go, my jhola goes with me. For the last 2+ years.

The market’s full of shops and boutiques that sell trendy ladies bags in all colors and sizes. I’m amazed at my Sister who recently returned from a shopping spree with a Dalmatian-shaded purse and huge black handbag! Eww... Not my type by a long shot...

Come to think of it, I cannot remember ever having been an out-and-out feminine creature at any point in my life. I have those few recollections when I have enjoyed getting decked up in finery for some occasions and celebrations (like my sister's wedding for instance, when jeans and tops were forsaken for heavy brocades and expensive silks). But otherwise, ask my friends and colleagues, and they’ll scratch their heads when asked to recall the last time I wore a Punjabi dress.

I’ve always been a tomboy. No nakhras-jhatkas for me. Right from my no-nonsense hairstyle to my clothes to my mannerisms. (That was the case until fairly recently. Then, God knows how and when and why, I changed my ways and started buying more lady-like dresses and acting more womanish. Grew my hair, started wearing earrings. Some crazy hormonal change, I guess... Anyway, I’m not complaining. And from what I can see, no one else is, either!)

But hey, weren’t we talking about my jhola?

Right, so my jhola is my inseparable possession. What’s in it? Well, not much. It holds my purse and keys, my lip-balm , Uhh... ya a pen at times, and that’s about it.

Oh! My cell-phone (how can I forget that?!) That’s all.

(That IS all, I said...)

The best part about carrying a jhola is that it’s trendy and practical at the same time. I can wear it diagonally as I walk fast to get someplace, and I can hold it fashionably by the side as I hang out at a coffee bar. When you’re lost among strangers, a jhola gives you the perfect excuse to dive in and search fervidly for nothing at all for a precious 5 minutes. And when you’re trying to act cool, you can finger the strap and just look around...

A jhola NEVER lets you down. Trust me.

The moment I put my hand in my jhola (just about 15 times an hour), you know I’m spinning in the abyss of mystery. On no account can I find what I want. If I’m looking for my cell, and if I’m searching for my keys, out peeps the lip- balm. It’s basically something like Ali Baba’s potli (did he have one? Or was it someone else? Whatever... I can dimly vision “Potli baba ki” flashing on DD = Doordarshan every Sunday morning. And remember “Gucche” and “Chitrahaar”? Good ol’ days!)

Uh huh... Ranting and digressing again... But the point is, that jhola’s the way to go. You can carry it to work and parties, and you can wear it on jeans and salwars. Jholas look good in pink and yellow. Girls at 10 and women at 40, jholas aren't a burden on the pocket, and neither on your shoulder. In short, I’ve thought it out, and I’ve given it the ISI mark, so go ahead and get one (if you don’t have one already). I think they look better on women, but you guys can get it for your girls and try them in fronta the mirror, just to see if they suit you... (Dunno much about metrosexual and other preferences. No offence.)

Having said that, I must say I just got a new jhola/bag ..Its my Valentine Gift and its so pretty :) Thank you Love !!

Have a good week, buddies!

Don’t Know …

I don’t know what to title this post.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know if anything needs to be done.

Maybe I’m just acting up, going on my usual over-analyzing trip in overdrive.

I don’t know if it’s ill health that’s pulling down my spirits, or lack of excitement in my mundane life.

College, home, a given set of friends, a given set of activities and plans… And that’s my life summarized accurately.

Ya ya, I know that’s what most people also live each day.

But the point is I am restless… And I would like it to be different…

It’s slightly awkward writing all this here, coz now the readership of my blog extends to more people than I initially would have expected or liked. And yet, I gotta write this… Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. I just have to…

My life seems empty.

there are times when I feel so lost and lonely that I wana scream like a maniac and run away.

Equally true is the fact that I start jumping animatedly at the teeniest of situations and possibilities.

I pride myself at being able to experience these extreme emotions – it shows I’m human, as I always say. I don’t control my joy, and I don’t hide my anger. If I’m sad it shows on my face and if I’m thoughtful, its evident as well. No scope of miscommunication or doubt there.

However…

(Yeah, there’s always a “however”, isn’t there…? Life…)

I’m a terrific person, if I may modestly and truthfully admit. Most people call me the girl next door - unpretentious, approachable and warm. My liveliness endears me to most, and makes some envious. And yet, I want to be on good terms with everyone. Life’s too short to be mean or angry with anyone forever.

What also has a bearing is that I look at things from varied perspectives, so I can easily place myself in someone’s shoes and look at how angles change and affect. The flipside of that is… I care more about others’ emotions than my own.

My desire to make no one sad, my need to not upset anyone, makes me do things that I’d not do if I were to be me. You could call it growing up, you could term it fake. The reality is… I don’t know what it is. I don’t even know if I ought to change that. I do voice my opinion when I want, but I readily succumb to the other person’s response, without sticking to my guns and stubbornly holding onto my position.

How do I feel about it? Well, I think I’m being very mature and kind. That makes me feel pleased and proud. But what also comes to mind is that people might not take it the same way as I do, and I don’t want to be perceived negatively. Positive evaluation and tangible feedback are two EXTREMELY significant terms in my life.

I’m not sure if I’m making sense to you. But honestly, I think I’m making sense to myself, let’s leave it at that.

That’s only part of the story. The bit about not really giving precedence to myself and worrying about others.

The other part is… I don’t know where I’m heading. And I don’t mean with reference to my career

. I know exactly well how that shall turn out. Besides, it’s not that complicated or harrowing.

I have this constant restlessness within me, which I don’t know how to tackle or ease. I don’t know what it is.

I genuinely have no regrets in life, though I can’t help feeling less or more blessed, as compared to others, on various occasions.

I don’t know what it is that I truly want. Like someone asked me the other day, what’s my ambition? I don’t have one. Does everyone need to have one? I’m living my life as well as I can, and I’m letting destiny take me wherever it intends. I’m adapting and adjusting where required, and I’m taking a call on things that I want and could do without. I refuse to follow what the others say or do, and I make my own choices and live by them.

What bothers me, is that my flexibility is making me less me. The person who used to have a fixed list of expectations from some folks now shrugs off anger and frustration in a laidback, devil-may-care manner when her needs are unmet. Is that nice? It’s definitely helping me cope better with those folks, but I still feel ignored and not taken care of. I feel like I’m not important or priority enough.

I express this to the concerned individuals, but then I ask myself if it really matters. For instance, I would be happy if you contact me ten times a day, and anything below five is criminal. So, if it’s not feasible for you to connect that often with me, let me know, but my expectation remains. And yet, when you contact me, I will feel like you’re doing it out of a sense of obligation, and I realise there’s really nothing we have to talk about, so why fool each other and waste time, just because my expectation says so.

You see?

It’s stupid, but it’s a dilemma nevertheless. One that causes me confusion and annoyance.

I want to be the cool dame who stays unruffled under any circumstances. But wouldn’t that mean killing the vivaciousness in me? And yet, if that makes life simpler for me, should I refrain from adopting this way of life? What attitude should one choose – the one that makes things easier, or the one that you’re born with?

I don’t know.

“Chalta hai” or “jaise chal raha hai, chalne de” has never been my maxim. I strive for perfection and desire the same from people, whatever their potential. Inspite of that, I see myself now saying things like chhod na / chuck it” or “naseeb / fate”.

People look upon me as intelligent and sensible, someone who gives good advice and shows the right direction even in critical times. People find it easy to share things with me, be it the most outrageous jokes or the deepest of secrets. I feel thankful for it all, for the faith and closeness.

And then, I see myself so lost… In need of a listening ear and caring shoulder…

Not that I don’t have any, but at times they are not the ones I want…

I see others living their shallow, superficial lives and merrily touting it as the best.

And I see myself, unsure, unhappy, unable to understand…

Am I a wreck?

I don’t know…

I just feel so lost…

Would a vacation help - a long sabbatical to someplace I’ve never been to, far away from friends and family? How about cutting and colouring my hair? Maybe a tattoo would do me good… Or a new hobby – swimming, Spanish, salsa? (is it a coincidence they all start with the letter “S”?)

I don’t know.

Over and out.

I've got Lal Bal, Pal !

Breaking News!!

I streaked my hair... Had them streaked at a parlour I mean... (It's also called highlighting, for those who don't know.) Which means I now have strands of red hair (not the fire-van red, it's a maroonish kinda tinge,similar to this picture ) on my crown . It ain't done as abundantly as I'd planned, but no sweat - I'm happy! :-)

Waise I am a very simple girl... And I feel all the more frugal when I see women around me dressing up for college everyday. (How will lining and kohl-ing your eyes and painting your lips help you be efficient and effective ) Of course, I tend to go overboard with my minimalism; even for parties, all I do is apply some earthy kajal and I'm all set, even as my gal-buddies blow-dry and iron their hair, paint their barn with foundation and rouge, color their eyes in dazzling blues and pinks, and outline their glossy lips. Whew! Each to their own; I inherited my no-nonsense-no-makeup attitude from my mum. But well, she is an angel to look at, whereas I could do with some help...

Anywaysssssssss...

While the hairdresser was Loreal-ing my tresses, I glanced through the numerous issues of Femina, Filmfare and other mags stacked on the counter. I read Sallu's cool-dude comments on his paintings and his hostility towards Shahrukh, I checked out fashion scares Mithun-da and Sonam Kapoor, and I read gossip about Hrithik and Barbara (Kites), Shahid and Amrita Rao (I thought she was going to get married and happily quit acting), etc.

I set hands on a Woman's Era magazine (November issue, I think), and staring at me out of the front cover were the words - HOW TO GET YOUR MAN TO TALK (or something to that effect.)

For ages I have been pondering over this very subject - why men gel so well and chat for hours with their buddies and colleagues and neighbors and roomies, but recoil every time their wife/girlfriend asks them to "talk" to her.

So, this article seemed God-sent, and I glanced through the words I've murmured a million times : Why men consider monosyllabic replies and grunts as perfect conjugal conversations, why they find nothing wrong in reading the newspaper as their disgruntled lady makes their chai / coffee in the kitchen, why a women's expression of her feelings or need to resolve relationship problems bores and irritates and annoys them, and so on and so forth.


Of course, the article did not answer these queries in anything more than a gender differences way; the usual "genders are wired differently" solution. However, reading the statements there assured me that I am not the only one who broods over these topics. The writer went on to relate how you can get a man to talk... And these ways are : just sit with him quietly (ahem!) and observe/understand as he goes about his tasks and activities, ask him about cars/bikes/politics/sports/gadgets or anything else that he's passionate about, avoid talking about his family, and the sort.


Nothing akin to rocket science, and all quite do-able, but my question is HOW LONG? You can do something a few times, and it's not unnatural to expect that the other person will also go a little out of the way to ease things... Taali ek haath se nahi bajti dost! You can rave on and on about gender differences and not head anywhere, and you can both understand and try to make things wonderful... Not impossible, right?!!

Anywayssss..My sister was looking like a Star on her wedding, everything went well . Most people from my school, college and family circle was happy with the Preparations they gave the Newly- Wed couple there blessings .
Good for them. Not good for me coz I hate these family dos. Compound it with the fact that there are horny old men lurking about and trying to grab a handful of you as they stare at your boobs and talk about stupid things. Grrr... It's all I can do to stop myself from slapping them... And then when some woman comes and starts inquiring about your profession as if she is planning to propose a billion-dollar business deal...

Time out.

Happy weekend!

10 Things

Just been thinking about this...

Here are 10 things I would say to my girl, if I was a guy...

1. Look at her in a dreamy-eyed way and say, "You're gooooorgeous, woman! I can't take my eyes off you..."

2. "I'll always be there for you honey."

3. "Sweetheart, you have made me the luckiest man on this planet by loving me."

4. "I care for you baby."

5. "I feel incomplete without you... Can I hug you forever?"

6. "Man! I'd be damned if you weren't by my side."

7. When she's smiling/laughing, "I love to see you happy."

8. "Your wish is my command, princess."

9. "I'm dying to see you, my angel."

10. "I missssss you :-( "

... And more importantly, 10 things I would NEVER ever say...

1. "What have you ever done for me?"

2. "Why don't you make some coffee as I read the newspaper in the other room?"

3. "Can we talk later? I want to watch the football/cricket match."

4. "The gang's going out so I won't be able to come for your convocation/party."

5. "You ruined my life. I wish we'd never met!"

6. "His girlfriend is a babe! Love the way she dances/dresses/talks."

7. "You were with me just for my money."

8. "Couldn't you wear something better?" OR "You look funny/horrible/OK."

9. "You don't satisfy me."

10. "Call me after you stop crying" OR "Meet me after your problems are sorted out."

You're welcome :-)

These are a few of my favorite things...

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, Brown paper packages tied up with strings......
... These are a few of my favorite things

(Sound of Music)

Charming poem! Though I like the above, I would still like to mention some of the MORE favorite stuff ...

Barnita ;)know this girl ? She’s cool and funny and sensible. She can only listen to your worries but terrible at solving them , and she’s not afraid to tell the world what she wants and what she hates,she’s one of my favorite people!!

Blogging & Bowling - The former I needn’t justify or describe. It’s just ME. The latter, well, I ain’t too great at it, but I do manage to clear the aisle once in a while!

Chocolates - Being a girl... But hullo! Even men freak out on chocolates. And this guy I know is crazy about MILKYBAR...tough I hate Milk Chocolates ..More in love with dark chocolates :) Umm, I like most Cadburies including Dairy Milk and Perk.And Ferrero Rocher and Lindt among the foreign ones

Glasses – (NOT my specs, puhleeezz! I respect them, but they certainly don’t feature on my “likes and loves” list). I mean the cutlery and crockery stuff. Elegant wine glasses and cute shot goblets, colorful plastic tumblers and exquisite champagne beakers. (Dunno the jargon, kindly excuse and educate!) I find them marvelous and I’m gona have an entire collection once I have my own house and showcase!

Hookah (or Sheesha) - Not good for health, but good for kicks and style! Not recommended if you’re under 18, but you sure will love this lounge-y feel and care-a-damn ambience.

Ice-cream – No explanations again! I love chocolate..vanilla with hot chocolate sauce... STOP DROOLING OVER YOUR KEYBOARDS, FELLAS!!! (Slurp, slurp! Gotchaaaa...)

Karaoke – Sing as the lyrics are flashed on screen. No sweat if you don’t remember the lyrics as long as you know the tunes... Go on throaty, ugly-sounding buddies and bathroom singers! Find out which pub in your locality has a karaoke night on the cards and introduce the world to your irresistible charms! Why suffer alone???!!!!

Life & Laughter –I don’t know how people end their lives. Suicide, according to me, is a moment of extreme courage and at the same time, an instant of severe Cowardice. To lose all hope and not think about the future (which none knows what holds for you) is by far the stupidest thing on my list. I love life, and I live it once. Give it your best! No regrets... And what's life without laughter? The best way to judge a person's spontaneity and integrity is to see the things he laughs at and the manner he laughs. This will betray what you can never know by the way he speaks or behaves...

Nostalgia – Thinking about old times and reminiscing about events gone past is sucha pleasure! (Not when someone else just doesn’t stop yakking about “how popular I was in college”). Sharing lives and reflecting about how one has spent his/her years is a great way to kill time, and also to make it come alive!

And that brings me to the end of my list! I’m sure I’m gona remember a dozen other things by the time this post is published, but well, whoever said this was my last?!!

Human or Humean?

We all are mean sometimes. Probably because we're humans, right? We all want somebody to understand us. We all want people far away to miss us and say that. We sometimes, just sometimes, deep inside, want people to sympathise with us. Is that selfish of us? [ I don't know why I'm writing this.] We want a shoulder to cry on. We want to be dependent on somebody but NOT realise that. We want to cry and secretly wish that somebody could see us then and console us. We want to speak eveything out in front of somebody, cry, and then end up being happy coz we've vented it all out. [I still don't get the logic.]

P.s- This is what was written on a piece of paper I found while cleaning my drawer. God, I was born philosophical. :P

Men and their Balls

You sure know what I’m talking about, and you sure have seen it (probably even done it, if you're a man!) yourself.

I mean, what’s with you, guys??? Just WHY do you need to keep touching your crotch like that in public places in fronta a hundred people???

You think us women got no problems when we wear teeny-weeny thongs and fancy, uncomfortable bras??!!! But we do get by, and so can you...

I think you do it on purpose. Coz you know it irritates and repels us. (I mean attracting us is perhaps the most I important thing in your list, but to attract attention is a greater priority. Which you can’t achieve by being noble and gentlemanly and sweet. So you take the easy way out. And then you do this. To display your dirty intentions and foul attitude and filthy disposition. Grrr...)

Another addition to the freak things are eunuchs (also called hinjras). I’m mighty scared of them. I know they’re born a particular way, and I know it’s not their fault. But hell, why do they behave that way??? (Thankfully not with the ladies.) Touching them and calling for their attention and cajoling them to give money, and then doing weird stunts when they refuse, sometimes even when they give in!
I freeze in terror and fear when one walks past me, or pauses if I’m with any guy. It’s a grisly situation, knowing that one isn’t counted as normal and “one-of-us”...

And the beggars! Offooo... Li’l kids running around on main roads peak traffic and signals, either touching with their hands or doing some antics or thrusting their baby brothers and sisters at riders... Or deformed, eccentric adults cheesing you off by making a show of their handicaps. Gross gross gross! humans exist only in movies

Now, I know most of you guys think I’ve this blog primarily for male-bashing purposes, but that ain’t true. I do admire the masculine gender for being very resourceful, fun-loving and for keeping secrets. (Would it be proof enough if I told you almost 70% of my good friends till date have been guys?) So, don’t consider even for a moment that I belong to the men-haters club. In fact, i prefer the company of men over women any day simply coz they are available, they do not pretend to be super-busy or hyper-popular, and they are low maintenance. A beer and a smoke and you can sit and chat for hours on end about silly, inconsequential matters. Sigh, life’s so easy!

(Plus there is no expectation about doing the housework . And you can roam around topless. And no chummssssss!!!! Boo hoooo... Wishing for the umpteenth time I was a man!!!)

(But then, maybe not...)

I guess, it's all for the best!
(Barnita Haldar )